What a week for the Bo Gans and Dirt Digler’s it’s been!

In another headache inducing display the confusing and contradictory opinions’ local armchair experts have of political wannabes are sending all eight people listening to them into a tailspin.

By Penny Shepherd

Keyboard warriors are uniting to vehemently attack the morals of local candidates they don’t know, in defense of their preferred candidate, who they also don’t know, citing secret deals and allegiances of preference votes.

While determinedly ignoring any urge to question the intentions of their chosen ringleader, they’re going into bat with underhanded political tactics. The 90’s Slagging All Others in an Attempt to Look Better PR methodology would be proud to see it’s still alive and kicking.

The oblivious aggressors are assigning far more credit to the suggestions on the pieces of paper most people would rather lick the face of a person with Covid than take one of, on their way past the sausage sizzle to draw dicks on scrap paper and shove it in the cardboard bin.

To add insult to injury, those candidates who have not attempted to add an educational element to voting by reminding people how to count to 5 next to names that most people don’t know anyway, are being accused of encouraging people to waste their votes.

Local advocates for Partisan Election Information, including well known antagonist ahem activist, Derrick aka ‘Dirt’ Digler, contacted the Sneeze Bay Advertiser (SBA)to make sure he could change his previously provided statement of “DON’T vote for teams!” to “DO vote only for all the experienced men for Mayor”.

We need to make sure we have someone who has the authoritarian communication skills and an outdated concept of leadership to keep things exactly the same” said ‘Dirt’.

‘Dirt’s’ updated message is; “one and done…just like what all those plasma tv baby bludgers should have done”.

The SBA understands this change of heart occurred when Mr Digler realized the distinguished gentlemen he aspires to be like was less likely to become mayor if people decided they were willing to give some indication of who else they would be less likely to abuse in online forums if their first choice didn’t get in.

This storm in a teacup, will be thankfully wiped from most constituents memories, possibly as a bonus side effect of mRna trail technology if social media is anything to go by, on December 5.

Bored 20-something, Bo Gan, summed it up best when he told us he doesn’t really understand what the fuss is all about. “I don’t really care who gets in, I’ll probably donkey vote, then just wait for the opportunity to sling shit at them about stuff I don’t understand later on. Get the popcorn ready lads!” Bo Gan said

The Sneeze Bay Advertiser will continue to keep you informed of the evolving opinions of people who would prefer to point out how terribly other people do a job they’ve never done than actually do something worthwhile themselves.


2 thoughts on “What a week for the Bo Gans and Dirt Digler’s it’s been!

  1. I know this is done wonderfully tongue in cheek but actually it is so close to the mark as to be positively scary.

    There are many Bo Gans out there unfortunately and many are way past ‘twenty something’ too more’s the pity.

  2. Every now and then I read something In CCO which makes me laugh and think. This superbly written piece pays homage to the works of the legendary Roy & H.G., and it makes me me seethe with jealousy. I really wish that I had written something as clever as this.

    As a committed keyboard warrior, and one who is looking forward to getting his life back next week, I feel a little uncomfortable with some aspects of Penny’s characterisation, but I have to agree that there are some really screwed-up people out there. I will claim some special dispensation to mercy, since I am essentially on a mission to do only two things.

    I desperately want to ensure the non-election of Adendorff, Cecato and Townley, and with equal fervour, I want to see elected, people who will re-imagine and re-purpose Knight’s Monument in Gordon St, in the hope of thereby removing the taint which surrounds a very expensive and potentially useful structure.

    So, in the forlorn hope of influencing Bo and his cohort, and wishing to educate the more politically astute members of our community, I have been campaigning to raise awareness of the dangers of re-electing the remnants of Knight’s cabal, and of adding to that group, candidates such as Brigit Mackenzie, who is well-known to CCO readers.

    The thought of their election is the stuff of nightmares (no pun intended).

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